Last day of 2008

Can you believe it? I can not believe how fast this year has flown!

I always tend to get a bit down around New Years..I always find it a bit sad that a whole year has passed and I have not achieved many (if any) of my goals.

My highlight of this year was of course the birth of my second child. She really is my little angel - I just adore her!!

I've been thinking of what I would like to achieve in 2009. The list is short..lol.

1 - Get my own business going. This has been a dream of mine for so long now..and its time for it to no longer be a dream. I so badly want..actually NEED to do this! For me and for my girls!

2 - Lose weight! I really need to start liking myself again..Its been a while since I really did. And until I like what I see in the mirror thats not going to happen.

So..thats it. Short..but doable!!

Have a save and happy New Years everyone!! Catch up with you in 2009!

This is such a special time of year

Especially when you are on holiday :)
I love spending time with friends and family most of all.

A group of us got together today to see a friend that is visiting from Uganda. We got together for breakfast but by the time we looked again it was way into the afternoon already :)

It was such an awesome day..so chilled and we had such a good time I was actually not in the mood to be back home..lol.

Thanks for an awesome day guys :)

Merry Xmas!!

Wow I can't believe the day is finally here!!

The excitement from Lemmie is so contagious! We were tracking Santa earlier and boy did we have fun! I ended up downloading Google Earth too so we would track him in 3 D ! It was so cute..he was a cartoon character..and at one point you see him in close up and he waves..Lem got SO excited and started waving back shouting "he can see me mom!!"

I really hope I have another year or two of her believing...but with her starting Grade 1 next year its doubtful..I am sure someone will spill the beans! lol.

This christmas is different for one very big reason. For ever christmas I can remember I get a little sad and take some time to think about my real family (I'm adopted). I always used to wonder where they are and how they were and if they ever thought of me.

Well..in September I found my older brother..on Facebook of all places!! So this year is the first of many I won't be wondering!!

Merry Christmas my dear friends..and I wish you all much love and happiness!!

*muah*

Hmmm..so much going on

in my head at the moment! I'm not quite sure what to post here..or if it will even make sense!

Firstly- I saw a job advertised today that I think I really want. Its a sales consultant for a photographic store. I know it may be a pretty lame job to some..but I've reached a stage in my life that I want to do what I love...and this would be perfect - combining photography and Photoshop - two of my..I suppose you could call them passions?

The pro's are this shop is really close to my home..so fetching and carrying the kids from school next year wouldn't be a problem..and my petrol bill would probably halve!

The only downside is the store is open public holidays and weekends, but, I don't think you would have to work every weekend or holiday? It more then likely works on a rotational basis.

I am so tempted to apply!! It all obviously depend on the salary too - considering my petrol would halve I could afford to take a bit of a knock..but obviously not too much!!

You know what? I'm going to apply! What have I got to lose?? Nothing! I can always see what the salary and work timetable is like?

Wish me luck..will kup!

I love summer!!

We were up at the pool today and this tree had the most gorgeous flowers!!I had to go fetch my camera and get a few snaps!! I just love this colour! I hope I managed to capture how truly vibrant they are!

No More Cakes!!

For the last two years I've been baking cakes to order - and I just this last weekend realised I ain't all that good! lol. I had an order for Natasha's daughters birthday cake.

I really love doing them..and these are the two of my best...

Now..this is how the cake was supposed to look..except for the teddy on top.


This is what she ended up with!!

When I first assembled the cake at 10 am it looked beautiful!! Just like the picture. I went for a shower and when I came out .....what did I see?? The top half of the cake had completely sunk into the bottom layer!! I just stood for about 5 mins staring..not believing what I was seeing!

I think I cried from that point until I finally delivered the cake...and hour later! It was a mad scramble to bake another cake and start from scratch!
I promised myself that if I ever could not deliver on a cake I would give it up.

So..any one want to buy some cake pans?? :)

How time flies!

This last week has flown by! My word! It was an incredibly hectic one for me!

First..there was the debacle of trying to find a dress for my year end function that was on Thursday the 11th at The Venue, Melrose Arch. Clothing stores these days do NOT cater for plus size women unless you like looking like a table cloth from your grandmothers kist.

So, I in all my wisdom decide to make something. Bear in mind its a formal occasion and the people I work with have Mega Bucks so thier wives / gf's always look fabulous!! I haven't sewn anything in about 2 years so what possessed me God only knows because I sure as heck don't. It ended up with me in tears at 2 am on Thursday morning not being able to finish my dress.

But..luckily..lol I was able to find something at Cresta the next day. Ok..I still look like I'm pregnant but at least I had a dress!

My husband also had a training course in Midrand last week - Wednesday to Monday. So that meant me dropping him off in the morning before work and fetching him in the evenings...AFTER I had fetched the girls..so you can only just imagine what time I got home.

I really wish the man would get his license now. It is really taking its toll on me but he doesn't see it. Next year when Lemon starts school I do not know what I am going to do?? I can't drop her off at the school before 7am -and I need to leave my house by 6.30am the latest to get to work on time..after I have dropped everyone else off!

I'm almost physically ill worrying about this..maybe I should just let things be - and they'll sort themselves out??

I'm really quite lucky

I was at a friends son's birthday party today and I had such a nice time!! The party was at the Walter Sisulu Botannical gardens. Whilst sitting and enjoying the sunshine and convesation I realised what really good friends I do have. I was upset over losing one friend but never really realised what I really still had. I have my book club friends and a few others..I love them each dearly.

I'm not going to ramble on too much more (lol I popped in for a quick update..I'm busy making a dress for my function next week)..but I'm filled with a warm fuzzy feeling this evening :)

Felt like blogging...

but really not sure what to blog about? lol

Its been one of those topsy turvy days? Most people at work were in a fantastic mood so for the first time in ages I had a good day at work :)

I am still job hunting though. I really really need to find something closer to home. My problem is my eldest daughter starts Grade 1 next year..and I can not drop her off before 7am. At the moment I am dropping her and her sister off at 6.30 in order for me to get to work on time.

Next year I do not know how I will drop her, her sister AND my hubby off and still get to work by 8. Never ever.

I am going to try approach my work re flexi hours..but...I know for sure my boss won't allow it. So it looks like I'll need to find something a bit closer.
It will probably mean a drop in salary its what I need to do.

On a lighter note I took the girls shopping for thier summer clothes tonight. Lol we had a blast..until we got to Woolies for my stuff...grrrrr.

Lemmie has this thing that she LOVES doing in Woolies...she runs and hides amongst the clothing racks....so I land up spending my time looking for her rather then at clothing!

After 15 min I gave up..lol..I'll go on my own tomorrow afternoon and have some me time :)

All I do is moan..

isn't it? But I really need a place to vent sometimes!!!

I don't know what is quite wrong here. Is it really me like I am often told?? I lost a friend and now about to lose a husband too.

The reasons I want to moan this week I think are pretty valid?? lol
Tuesday - J spent R3000 on Guitar Hero World Tour - we could really not afford this right now!! You know I am still wearing my maternity clothes because I haven't wanted to spend money on new clothing as we are still in quite a bit of debt due to me being off work. I even buy cheaper nappies for Saige because its a difference of R1 per nappy.
Well..let me tell you..today she got Pampers!! lol

Wednesday - Its my month end at work. Every month end for every month over the last two years I have worked late. Thats just how it is..there is no way to avoid it. I trust that J will fetch my girls from school by 6 - the time they close.
He got there at 7!! 7!! He was in a meeting and left work late. Ok he had to catch a taxi home and the taxi drops him off about 2 k's from here..but still. I can't help but be angry at him about that.
I know he is really upset too and me being upset does not benefit anyone nor help the situation but I can't help it.
I ask him for one day a month. Only one

As it is I am taking 4 days off work next week to take him to and fetch him from his training course in Midrand!

And then today he wants a divorce as "he cant do this anymore"

You know I am honestly so tired of fighting and begging and pleading now.

I am done worrying about how I will cope financially

I am done thinking "will I ever meet someone else"

I really am just done.

Wordless Wednesday - when having the wrong settings can be interesting!

See more Wordless Wednesday here

Raindrops...

We had a hectic thunderstorm the other day and I was sitting on my lounge enjoying the smells of rain, lol.
I noticed the droplets on the Agapanthus and grabbed my camera.
I'm a great fan of close up shots and I think I need to invest in a better macro lense!

I think my favourite is the first one :)

TFL :)

It’s finally over.

(Names used in this post are fictitious)

The friend I spoke of on my first post confirmed today that amends are not to be made.

We have apparently “grown in different directions”

Grown in different directions?? WTF does that mean?

How do two people that have shared everything over the last five years, just all of a sudden, overnight, “grow in different directions”??

I am truly devastated. I feel as if I have lost the love of my life. I know that sounds overly dramatic but I am heartbroken and I do not know how to cope with this.

Our daughters were the best of friends. I don’t know how I am to explain to my daughter how she will never ever have “Susie” over for a play date.

Or how she will never ever go to “Susie’s” house for a sleep over.

She cried in the car last week about how she missed “Susie” and I tried to console her by saying that its ok, myself and “Jane” will sort it out.

But it is not to be.

You know, “Jane” was meant to move abroad. I cried for two days. The thought of losing her was too much to bear.

Now that I have lost her…I don’t know what to do.

I have asked her, please, to just explain. If I knew what I had done I could understand. But she has not answered me.

I do have other friends. Quite a number in fact. But none as close as her and I were. I don’t even think the friends I have like me that much lol.I think maybe they tolerate me more then anything else.

I feel alone now. So alone. She was the only one person I could sms, call or email when something good or bad happens to me.

I now pick up my phone without thinking and then stare at it blankly.

There is no-one now.

A house guest...

I went to one of my best friends bridal shower today - What a fab day!! I was the only one with a camera so I was doing my bit while holding a niggly baby to capture the day! lol

By now you know my love for flowers - so I couldnt resist their marigold patch. I didn't notice at the time of taking the pic..but can you spot the houseguest???? :)

What a great day!! kinda...

These days having friends that span a decade or two is very rare.

I am on the left, my brother is on the right and Carey Anne in front. This was at my birthday party last year.

Today I went to my friends bridal shower whom I have known for the last 15 years! They really went all out - it was a lovely day!
Lem had an absolute blast swimming and playing with Max, their golden retriever.

There was one thing missing though. I was there alone.
Why? Cos he would rather be on his own then miserable with me. We had an argument on Wednesday night and he is still pouting about it.
I was really upset as these are really really close friends of mine..and J has missed 4 (yes 4!)
of other events of theirs we have been invited too. I play the Lone Ranger really well!

I was so cross I went shopping and spent all the money we had left till the end of the month..flip it felt good at the time..but ..urmmm...not so smart! lol

It just felt so k@k - when the Father of the bride asked where J was, I said he wasnt feeling well. So the FOB says "ja we've heard that one before"
And when the MOB asked and I gave her the same answer, she told me to stop lying for him!

I was really embarrassed ! I have a good mind to tell J not to bother about coming to the wedding either, I'll either go alone or find someone else. Knowing him he will pull his usual stunt on the day , telling me he isn't going...and then expect me to beg for a bit to get him to do.

Nah dude, my time for begging is long gone!!

Wordless Wednesday - how I feel today

If I could choose one pic to depict how I feel today..this would be it!!

see more Wordless Wednesday here

More baby pics...

These were taken last weekend - I just havent had a chance yet to download them.

I can see here my exposure was slightly off, on the close up you can see there is too much light coming from the top right? It caused a noticable glare on Saige's headband.

I so enjoy taking pics of Saige, she is always a willing subject! lol

Closer...

I often chat to my friend Jeanette about how my "people photos suck" lol!! She gave me some advice that I have been using and I really think it has made a huge difference!! I mentioned I was battling getting my aperture settings right....she told me she always uses 5.6 when shooting people..I have been trying it..starting on 5.6 and adjusting from there...Jen you were right!! I seldom need to change it!

I used to struggle with my DOF too...but nailed it here :)

Another tip I got from Jeanette was to GET CLOSER! I always used to shoot the whole top half or the whole body...now I have learned that zooming in can yield just as great shots!!

I feel great about these shots!!! The are by no means perfect - but I feel a great improvement from when I started this blog!!

Sometimes what we are searching for..

is right under our nose but we choose not to see it.

Anyone close to me will know that I have been unhappily married for some time now.

I have been wanting to get out and always looking for a sign that this isn't right for me.

I realised something.

I have spent too much time focusing on what will be when we have gone our seperate ways. Too much time fantasising about the man that I could one day end up instead of fantasising about the man I have now.

Yes, he does done wrong..very wrong (but I wont go into that now) but he has been trying to change and I haven't let him. I have been so focussed on what he doesn't do rather then what he does do and on the wrong he has done in the past rather then the good he can do in the future.

I'm going to give it another go. I really am going to try , for the sake of my girls, to hold this marriage together.

If it doesn't work I can at least then say I have tried everything and walk away with my head held high.

A raging storm

There is a raging thunderstorm on the go right now and its ironic that is symbolises how I feel at this moment.

I feel I have a thunderstorm within. I feel I need a break from myself..know what I mean?

First there is the break up of the best friendship I have ever had in my life.

Then - finding my biological brother (subject of a post of its own - coming soon!)

I never truly feel happy?? Not in my job nor in my marriage.

I look at other couples and find myself feeling envious of the relationship they had.

J and I had that, very long ago. We lost it somewhere along the line and I don't know where to look to find it again.

Wordless Wednesday

Lol he wouldnt stand still so did my best here!!

See more Wordless Wednesday here

To be a working mom..

I had to work late tonight...and on my way home at around 7.30pm I started thinking about how hard it is to be a working mom in this country.

I read posts / articles from other moms in other countries and it really seems that SA is leagues behind the rest of the world as far as caring for the mothers of our countries future.

One good example is that of flexi time hours. There are a few forward thinking companies (I think those with ties overseas) that allow mothers to work from home. In most cases most of us could, I could most definitely. It is however very difficult to change people mind sets that work can only be done from an office.

Then there is the whole breastfeeding thing. I had tremendous problems when I went back to work as I wanted to express milk for my baby, and although the Code of Good Practice states that a working mother should have two ADDITIONAL half hour breaks to express milk for their baby..the problem with this is yes, its great in theory but its NOT law, hence companies need not comply. I am, however, still persevering and using my lunch 1/2 hour to express milk for my baby and then express again at home.

Time off is also an issue for most of us. Some lucky enough have really understanding bosses when you call in frazzled with a sick child at home. Others..not so much.

If I knew where to start I would start a movement that puts the Code of Good Practise into the law books as well as having the Labour act revised to be better suited to working moms.

Imagine!

Here we go...

I've wanted to get this blog up and going for a while now, but recent events in my life have been the final push. My life is pretty stormy at the best of times..but the last two weeks have been unreal..even to me!

I lost a friend. No, no one died..a friendship died. A friendship that I had thought was so strong, whose foundations were so solid that we would be "together forever".

I am still trying to figure out how it could all have gone so wrong...from us being happier in each others company then anyone elses to us not being able to attend social functions together.

I have gone over and over what transpired in my head and I don't understand. Maybe I'm not meant to.

What I do know is she will always be special to me and although I think our friendship may be over for good, the good times we shared will be indelibly etched in my mind.

I love spring!!

Yup - more flowers!! lol I just love photographing flowers/tree's etc. I find them to be quite forgiving and its great to play with different angles and lighting and not having to worry about the subject moving :)

Flowers, flowers, flowers!

Now that Spring has Sprung and we have had our first rains the blossoms are coming up everywhere! I took a walk round our complex and it has come alive the last two weeks!

I've had great fun with my camera - these are the first of my favourites!

Wordless Wednesday

See more Wordless Wednesday here

It's been a while...

I can't believe so much time has gone by since my last post! Its been so hectic now that I am back at work I haven't downloaded pics in ages! I really admire Jeanette for her blogs and how she manages to post almost every day!

I have some snaps of my girls from the last week - I am so incredibly blessed to be the mother of two absolutely beautiful girls!












Just for good measure here is a sunset shot I took a few days ago, lol I had to stand on my daughters trampoline and she thought it was playtime, I am surprised its in focus!!

Till next time *wink*

Wordless Wednesday

More Wordless Wednesday here

A few new pics of Saige :)

Flood Pics

Here are pics of the floods at Shelley Beach last week as promised. Sorry they are late - time just ran away with me!

This was the beach on Monday around lunchtime. I noticed those marks on the top left of the photo and after changing lenses realised it was the camera that was dirty. Jase managed to clean it for me.

This was the same beach 3 days later!! You can not imagine what was washed up - it was interesting walking among the debris!

I found a couple of dolls heads lying around, I found that very strange!

The beach was littered with dead fish. I think they are fresh water fished washed down the river into the ocean.

The trees washed up were ginormous!! Imagine a beach littered with trees like this and you can maybe imagine the storm that brought them there.

The golf course. You would be forgiven for thinking this was a river!

Debris on the beach.


A new moon after all the chaos. I love this shot!

Thanks for visiting :) :)