My fave pics of Lemon

I've hit a bit of a blank..lol - so forgive me for being somewhat boring tonight.

Rather then not blog at all I decided to post some pics instead.

I was going through my favorite pics and I found these - these are my best pics of my eldest daughter, Lemon. Isn't she just gorgeous?

My life almost changed forever today...

I almost lost my baby, Saige.

It seems like an exaggeration but I honestly thought she was either dead or paralysed. And it was all my fault.

We were up at the pool area and Saige was in her pram, restrained. I was taking pics of Lemmie jumping in the pool..but was keeping an eye on Saige to make sure she was still restrained. After getting the shots I wanted I was putting my camera back in its bag..sitting right next to the pram. This was my momentary lapse.

As I looked up my heart stopped..I saw in slow motion how she toppled out of the pram..onto her head, body straight up and flopped onto her back. It was a tiled floor.

I can not even begin to describe what went through my mind! I picked her up and cradled her..she cried..and not even 2 mins later she went gray and appeared to have passed out. I screamed to J (who was playing tennis) that we needed to get to the hospital.

I ran all the way back to my house cradling Saige as still as possible..which was a feat on its own considering how I was shaking. She stayed "asleep" and the longer she did the more my heart raced. I grabbed my car keys and J sat in the back with her..this was the one and only time I haven't put her in her car seat..I didn't have the time.

On the way to the hospital she "woke up" and after 2-3 mins was her normal self again. I was however still beside myself!!
We got to the hospital and had her checked out at the ER...she was fine. Only when I heard that did I burst into tears. I think the adrenalin had stopped me from doing that earlier.

I swear to G*d in those 10-15 mins I thought I had lost my child. Its something I never, ever want to feel again!!

I held her the whole day and now that she is asleep I am checking her every so often to make sure she is still ok.

It was a big wake up call that accidents happen so quickly and your life can be changed forever!

One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest..

I'm been toying with the idea of going to therapy.

I have issues, lol. I'm not quite right in the head. I've had a lot happen to me over the last few years that I havent fully dealt with.

The first couple of years of mine and my hubby's relationship was something I should have walked away from. I was abused..physically, emotionally and verbally. I have countless scars..not all physical and I am clinging on to all this baggage that effects how I interact with him now. I can't bear being close to him physically nor do I care much for interacting with him on any level really.

He has really been trying hard and he gets pushed away at every turn. I will probably lose him and land up regretting it and will only have myself to blame.

I had a best friend that dumped me and everything "seems" to be perfect in her life..lol she is going on like I never existed and I'm sitting like a puppy pining for its owner.

I found my blood brother on FB (I was adopted at birth) - made contact. He has now dissapeared. He's no longer on FB nor does he reply to my emails.

I fear my daughters are going to grow up with not many fond memories of me..but rather of me as this bad tempered screaming mad woman.

I am not in a happy place right now and normally I can hide it..but this time round I can't. I just want to be left alone..by my children..by my husband..by everyone.

New pics

I haven't taken pics for quite a while..I went through a bit of a slump :)

But today Saige was in such a good mood I just had to get some snaps of her :)

I'm really really happy with these :)

TFL :)

I am lucky

There is a story I have been following for a while now - that of Baby Declan (www.all-hands-on-dec.co.za)

Baby Declan is flying with the angels now - and it truly is a heart wrenching story.

I have been under a lot of pressure lately - both at home and at work. I am ashamed to admit I have been taking it out on my children.

Lol I haven't been beating them or anything like that, but I have been extremely irritable and short tempered and every day have been living for that moment when they are both in bed so I don't have to hear their constant demands.

After hearing about the passing of Baby Declan I realise how lucky I am.

I am lucky to not have to sit in hospital next to my baby's bed side every day.

I am lucky to be able to kiss my babies good night every night.

I am lucky to be greeted with smiles and sloppy kisses every morning.

I am lucky to be able to hold them and cuddle them straight out a bath.

I am lucky to hear Saige's cries or Lem's moaning because it means they CAN talk.

I am lucky to have my girls argue with me because it means they CAN hear.

I am lucky Lem asks me to walk her into school everyday – because it means she CAN walk



I feel very lucky and blessed today.

I merged my blogs.

When I first started out I thought it would be easy having two blogs, lol. Jeanette did warn me it would be hectic but I didn't listen..lol

I battle to find the time to update my Thoughts blog never mind the photo one too.

Lol you have to go back to the 21st December to find my last photography post!

So, I decided today to merge them and see how I go :)

I DID IT!!!

My word was I a bundle of nerves today!!

I posted about the predicament I found myself in with getting myself to work on time after I have dropped off two children and a husband?

I have been getting to work between 5 and 20 mins late every day the last two weeks. I have been almost physically ill due to the stress of that..not to mention what it has done at home!

Well..today I bit the bullet and did something completely out of character for me.

I approached my boss about the possibility of me starting at 8.30am rather then 8am.

Now for most this wouldn't be a big deal..but I am a serious chicken sh*t - I really really need to muster up the courage to ask my boss for ANYTHING!

Well - she surprised me! She was so understanding and really nice about it! Turns out she was planning to speak to me next week due to my late coming and was glad that I had approached her first.

After that things moved really quickly! lol..within and hour I had approval from the MD!I do take a slight salary cut - but that was too be expected.

So - from tomorrow I start work at 8.30am - and I am so relieved I can not explain it!

Unproductive...

Every night after the kids are in bed I do the same thing.

I am here.

I was thinking today about how frustrated I am feeling lately and that I have this feeling of my life spinning out of control and I can not stop it.

I then tried to think of ways to s..l...o..w it down.

I feel that I have no ME time. No time for me to just sit and do something for myself. I used to think that me being online every night was my "me" time.
But its not really..is it?

I have so many hobbies that I absolutely love..but haven't had the time to do.
I have so many incomplete projects that irritate me everytime I look at them, lol.They are now hiding in the dark recesses of my top cupboard.

So..I took my Cross Stitch bag down. I used to get a kick out of fondling all my threads and patterns..that kick was replaced by the "tap tap" of the keyboard under my fingers.
I used to trawl Ebay looking for those elusive OOP (out of print) patterns. Paula Vaughn was my favourite artist. I have 3 of her books that are some of my prized possessions.

I rediscovered my love for Cross Stitch tonight. About 3 years ago I started this picture that I wanted to do for Lemon's room. I am going to finish it for her birthday - hopefully sooner and I can't wait to pick up where I left off!



I also started a Wedding sample by Lavender and Lace - I started this just after I got married, and we have been married 5 years this April and I haven't done more then a dozen stitches.



I look forward to sharing my progress with you!