My mommy is gone....

Last night just after 6 the hospital called me and said my moms blood gasses were extremely high and we were to get there asap as it didnt look good. I met my dad and brother there just after 7. We saw my mom and we were told she is now on the maximum adrenaline they can give to keep her heart going and that her blood gasses were so high it indicated massive organ failure and they didn't expect her to make it through the night. We sat with her talking, watching her struggling until just before 12. We decided to go lie down in the the visitors lounge for us all, incl my mom to get some rest. My dad the whole time still hoping for a miracle. Just a small indication she was still going to be ok.
My dad refused to leave her. Just after 12.30 my aunt woke me and said she was leaving so I walked her out. On the way up I stopped at my mom and the sister said she was taking blankets and pillows for us and my dad was in the lounge.
I sat with my mom for about 15 minutes, till just before 1. She was still struggling. I told her how much I loved her and I so badly wanted her to come home.
I left her just before 1.
At 1.30 the nurses came to wake us and told her her heart rate was really low..when we got there her heart was beating at a beat a minute, until it just couldnt anymore and she flatlined.
We held my moms hand as she died.
You know we had been watching those machines so closely for the last month - hoping, praying they would one by one be taken away.
Last night at 1.30 they were.

My mom looked so at peace - finally free of the struggle to live.

My dad is not taking it well at all. He is honestly falling apart and I dont know how to help him. I dont know how he is going to cope being alone in that house when my brother goes back to Oz.

Today while helping him tidy up I found a dress my mom had started sewing for Saige that I am going to finish. As well as an outfit for Lem. Watching my dad unpack her hospital bag was also so hard.

The funeral is on Monday and I honestly don't know how my dad is going to get through it. My heart so goes out to him right now. He cant even get through a phone call without having to pass me the phone. I just pray he finds the courage and strength to get through this, one day at a time.