There is never a *winner* when it comes to divorce....

I've been thinking about this quite a bit this week.

When referring to a divorce case/maintenance or custody hearing Someone always "wins". But what exactly is it that you have won?

No-one goes into a marriage wanting to be a divorcee. Wanting to seperate from the person you once could not live without.

Sometimes the fairy tale ends. It ends in Divorce.

Most will say thier divorce was amicable. Really?
I battle to understand how that can truly be the case. One party will always hold resentment towards the other for what ever transgression may have caused the divorce in the first place. Yes, the terms may have been amicable but I really doubt your feelings will be.

Everyone who knows my story thinks I am a winner by getting divorced. By getting out of an abusive (on all levels) marriage. I'm giggling to myself as I write this because I'm thinking if I was really a winner I would have seen the signs and not got married in the first place.

Yes on my day in court I "won". The marriage was ended in the way I wanted. I got the terms I wanted.
I now had the freedom to start living my life with my girls that I should have been living all along.
I had the oppurtunity to start building a life with the most wonderful man who had come into my life as if he had been sent by an angel.

Yet that came with an expensive price tag - and a sadness. Not for me.

For my girls having to live with a *twice a month if he can fit them into his schedule* dad. A dad that has withheld maintenance from me because he is so angry that I have found someone else that really knows how to treat a woman (he would have still had me had he listened for all those years)
For my girls having to see me cry because I have literally sometimes not known where the next meal is coming from. For them not being able to go to birthday parties because I can't buy presents. Heck for them not being able to have thier own parties.

For them having to listen to vague masked comments from friends and family about how much better off I am without him (confusing much?)

For them knowing that thier dad was trying to take them away from me (unsettling much?)

For me. For me wanting to still maintain some kind of a relationship with "him" (its better for everyone surely?) That I will allow myself to be drawn in only to be stabbed in the back again when "it" uses info given in casual conversation to once again kick me down. Now? I am so bitter, angry and resentful there will never be anything other then the girls between us again.

For years I heard how much better off he would be without me. How much happier he would be. How he couldnt wait to live his life as a single man.

There was a race to the finish as to who would get out first.

I "won"

Or did I ?

My Jewellry

As requested :) Here are some pics of the jewellry that I make and sell - They can be either single, double, triple or quadruple stranded Name Bracelets and in virtually any colour imaginable. I once had a grand mother order 9 different colours each with a name of one of her nine grandchildren :)

Christening Bracelet














My big seller right now is my Twilight bracelet - each charm representing a pivotal part of the saga :)



Visit my page on FB for more of what I do :) Enchanted Charms :)

I have a dream....

Well two actually. And although neither of them necessarily depends on the other,the one would be far easier if the other came to fruition :)

I want to live at the coast. Dream no 1
And I want to be a work-from-home-mom.

The 2 weeks I spent at Uvongo were nothing short of amazing!!! As a Cancerian (well was...now a Gemini according to the new signs but I'll stick with Cancer thanks :) ) I am happier at the coast as Cancerians are
ruled by the moon and the moon's influence is strongest at the ocean. It.really.is :)

Clambering around the rocks with my girls, showing them things, exploring, poking around...THAT is how I want so spend my days! Sitting on the patio watching the moon shine its silver glow over the Ocean.

I have given myself a time-line - and that is in 3 years I want to be living by-de-see.

As for working from home? Well there a few interests I have that hopefully will generate an income.
First one is Photography. This is a scarey one. lol. I have a lot of friends that are the most incredible photographers - but photography has always been an interest of mine and judging by my research - there arent that many lifestyle photographers at the coast. So for now my route down this road is to learn my camera...well not my camera as such but rather learn the settings and what they do. Right now I have a vague idea lol.
That is the reason I have revived my photo blog. Please pay a visit? I would appreciate any and all feedback!



Secondly is my jewellry. I have been on a roll since Xmas and it is steadily maintaining. I just need that breakthrough for it to be viable enough as an income rather then pocket money.

So thats it. I have a dream. One that I feel I really really could reach. One that I NEED to reach. For me. For once!

No Tv

When we got back from holiday our DSTV decoder was broken...I gave it to J last week (he works for them) and he said he would have it repaired. Turns out...he had no intention of giving it back. As my DSTV account was on his staff account (can kinda compare it to Cable for my US readers) he cancelled that too and I can not afford to get my own account so thats that.

So, for 3 weeks we have had no TV. And to be honest? I dont miss it? I dont even think the kids do? i find we have far more time now to spend together. We watch a movie in the evening - and before that I really spend time with the kids and I'm loving it! I cant see me rushing to get any form of TV anytime soon!

I got Lem a 1500 piece puzzle 3 yrs ago fro xmas and we just started it :)We both got so absorbed in it we didnt even realise we worked half an hour into her bedtime!

This is how it will be when its done :) I cant wait! I am going to frame it for her room :)

It just never ever ends!

I had a day from hell today again!
J and I still have a joint account at FNB (its a One account..the bond account on my house but its also a cheque account. Until i take the property over its in both names)
Genassist put through a double debit order in December and refunded me to the FNB account (I now use my ABSA account) and the rent for the 2nd property we own goes in there too.

I asked J to pls change the cell phone number for the internet banking to my cell number so I could get my insurance refund out (I was banking on that money to get me through the rest of the month) as well as transfer the rental monies to the bond as they were paid late and the debit order bounced.

He has been flat out ignoring me for two days - I went to teh bank today to draw a statement, he has transferred all the money to his account. My refund as well as the rental money.

When I emailed him he said basically F*k you, its "my" money.

He has left me with 55 cents

The worst is now Lem was crying cos I promised her new school shoes today and I cant get them and the kids are teasing her cos her shoes are broken F**k I hate him!

But - every dog has his day right?

PS Don't forget to comment on my previous post :)

My first blog Meme

Inspired by Angel

With this blog post, I promise to send something I have made with my own two hands to the first 5 people who leave a comment on this post saying they would like to take part.
Here’s how it works.
1.The blogger posting the offer must send something to the 5 commenters before the end of 2011.
2.What is sent to the commenters must be handmade by the blogger.
3.The commenters who ask to take part must post the same offer on their blogs, and then send something handmade to the five commenters who ask to take part, and so on and so on.

How does that sound!?!