I am woman, hear me roar!

I finally stood up to J yesterday and I’m still like “wtf?”

Background:

Last weekend was his weekend, but my dad wanted to take the girls to the Smurfs on Sunday – So I called on Monday to ask what his plans were so I would know what time to book the tickets.

I get told he is going away and is only getting back on Saturday – but will confirm by Wednesday if he is fetching the girls on Saturday OR Sunday

(Like he doesn’t have enough weekends to go away!)

So I say “can’t you take them next weekend for the whole weekend then?” He tells me no, its Month end he has stuff to do.

Anyway – weekend comes and goes – no phone calls no Jason.

He calls me last night, says “I have nothing on tomorrow night can I pick the girls up from school and drop them off on Saturday”

I said no, that he said he wasn’t taking the girls this weekend so I made plans for us – so then he says I can pick them up early then.


I still said no! I won’t allow him to treat the girls like they are “hobbies” that he does when he has nothing else to do!

I told him he either takes them for a full weekend when he is meant too or he doesn’t take them at all.

So he asked “what must I do if my friends have their birthday parties, I can’t ask them to move their birthday’s”

so I said well in that case Jase you made your choice and it wasn’t the girls!

I mean ffs I can’t pick and choose when I have the girls?

He is living the flippen high life, acting like a teenager with his jolling and the girls must just “slot in” when he has nothing on?

No ways. Not on my watch. I would rather he never see the girls then see them like that!

As it is Lem doesn’t want to go there anyway anymore because of how he has been threatening her – she is terrified he pitches up there today – but I’ve informed the school (again) not to let him fetch them unless I say so.


Then of course I had to listen to him go on about how he is a better father in one day then I am a mother in a whole month, how I do nothing for the girls other then “routine” stuff and how he has always said he will take the girls full time (please he wouldn’t last a week!)


My girls are NOT a hobby and I wont allow him to treat them like that. He can take me to court if he wants. I'll even drive him there myself!

Let it go.....

I've been struggling with a few personal issues the last while.....hence my reason for being so quiet. I've been trying to make sense of it all before putting pen to paper....and to be honest not much of it makes any more sense then it did to start with. Issues with my children, the Ex and my future....At this stage I am ready just to throw my hands in the air and walk away and let the chips fall where they may.

I received this via email a few days ago....its not new, in fact I have read it many many times over the last few years but the impact is still the same. I find it a very powerful piece of writing, and can be applied to almost every aspect of ones life.

Let it go ...by T. D. Jakes


There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this!

When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,

loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,

staying attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you.

And if they are not joined to you,

you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person,

it just means that their part in the story is over.

And you've got to know when people's

part in your story is over so that you

don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something.

I've got the gift of good-bye.

It's the tenth spiritual gift,

I believe in good-bye.

It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful,

and I know whatever God means for me to have

He'll give it to me.

And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something

that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,

then you need to LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ..

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ...

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or

talents ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new

level in Him...

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help

themselves..

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ....

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling

yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past.

Forget the former things.

GOD is doing a new thing for you !!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left . think about it, and then

LET IT GO!!!

Wow things have taken off!!!

I posted about the work that Lem and I are going to be doing at Ikholwa...Well Nicci read my post and was inspired to start a project she has wanted to do for a while..and thats a community garden project :)
So thanks to her partner we have a piece of ground on which to farm organically grown veggies for the home as well as the seeds - and will be getting the children involved too so as to nurture and encourage important life skills.

Thanks to the Warren at The Garden Shop Bryanston who have sponsored us hand forks for the children to use while growing thier veggies :)

Then Laura chose Ikholwa as her home for which to host a Christmas Party this year.
We have set a date - the 10th December 2011 - so this is where I ask for you to remember those less fortunate and to assist in the following areas :

You can donate R100 or whatever you can afford towards a gift and food.
You can buy a gift (a child will be assigned to you - max R100)
You can buy some party food.
You can buy a gift AND some party food.
You can help out on the day

We would also like to possibly have a jumping castle for the children - so a donation of this would be so amazing!

So please, email myself (tanya@enchantedcharms.co.za) or contact Laura and lets give these precious children a Christmas to remember!

Lem and her Guitar

Ever since Jeanette invited me to attend her workshop I have had this idea in my head for photos I wanted to take of Lem.

On Saturday I bought her a new guitar and as we had nothing planned for the afternoon I decided that it was the perfect oppurtunity :)

I was going for the moody / indie look lol. Lem is the queen of sulk so it was quite easy to get the look I was going for :)

This is my favourite!

Time to Give Back

I have been involved in a number of charitable projects over the last few years, but have always wanted to be more involved - to spend a bit more of my time helping those less fortunate then I.I have also had so much help over the last year that I felt I needed to give a little back.

It was a couple of weeks ago that I had a whack load of the girls older clothing to give away that I tweeted Jeanette to ask if she knew where I could donate them, she suggested Ikholwa - which is not to far from where we live.

When I got there - I cant explain how I felt. It may sound crazy when I say the home spoke to me, but it really did. I felt this was where I was needed...gosh that does sound nuts :)
Anyway I contacted them and went for my interview and I am free to start volunteering as and when I wish.

They have children from babies to teens and all the children are there for different reasons, but I have chosen to work with the toddlers.

After speaking to the House Mother I decided that I will get Lem involved too. I think it would be an awesome Mother/Daughter activity for us - and I think she could learn a lot from the experience.

I honestly cant wait to get started :) The best part is once you are known and trusted by the home you are able to take children for the weekend / day trips. That will so amazing! And then there is always the chance to adopt a child as well.

I may use my blog from time to time to request help for the Ikholwa in the form of material donations as from what I now understand the funding is very limited and it does take a lot to run these homes - even the school fees need to be paid from the home itself. I thought they would get a concession but they dont.

Happy Birthday my angel!

Today was Lemmie's 9th birthday - I honestly cant believe the last 9 years have gone by so quickly!

Lem has grown up into the most amazing child. We do have our personality clashes, lol, a lot of them as she is very strong willed but I know that is part of her becoming a confident take-no-shit young lady lol. She borders on the stubborn but it doesnt get her that far with me lol.

She has an awesome sense of humour, and a smile that can light up a room. She comes up with the funniest things, and then laughs her head off for ages and her laugh is so infectious.

She has born the brunt of the trauma over the last year, and before. She used to try defend me when J was attacking me and would often be pushed out the way by him, only to come back and stand in front of me to try fend him off when I couldnt. She is the peace maker. Always trying to keep the peace when I am arguing with P or with her dad.

She struggled at school just after the divorce last year but quickly overcame it to become a little star. She really tries her best and gets very upset when her marks arent what she hopes for.

I am honestly so blessed to have her - she is my little champion. The last couple of weeks a switch has been flipped - she really has come out of her shell and she is an absolute joy to be around :)

All she wanted for her birthday was a J Board - so my dad and I got her one together and my word she impressed me on it!!! She is a total natural!!!!

Happy birthday my sweetheart, hope to share many many more with you!

Cake, cake, and more cake :)

Shew the last few weeks have been busy for me on Cake side...I am becoming known as the "short notice baker" I think :) :) I do love it though, I work best under pressure - I am a born procastinator so the less time I have to do something the better :)

These are the cakes I have done the last few weeks - I loved doing the Spongebob, that really pushed me a bit - I made all the little cupcake toppers myself and loved playing around with Spongebobs expressions. i did however have a slip in the front when doing the lines of the pineapple...could kick myself for that but otherwise I am happy with how it turned out. The Barbie...*sigh* I love doing those too as I love all things pretty and pink :) I just love how the icing falls naturally and creates the ruffles of the skirt. And then I let go with my glitter and flowers and pearls and and.
The Jamesons was for a friend of a friend who decided at the last minute she wanted a birthday cake :) My friend told me she hadnt had cake in about a year as she couldnt eat eggs. so..I tried, for the first time, an eggless cake. I must admit it tasted pretty good.....I may just decide to use it as the base for most of my cakes from now on.

I have another Hello Kitty and a Volcano coming up in the next two weeks...the Volcano one is going to be VERY interesting! :)

10 Things I Love about You

In no particular order:

* I love that you wake me with coffee, a kiss and a smile every morning.

* I love that you wash my car EVERY week as you don’t like me driving in a dirty car.Even if I think its still clean lol.

* I love that you do the things I DON’T like doing – like clean my oven and the dishes lol.

* I love that you always take my side – unconditionally.

* I love how you enjoy and compliment each and every meal I prepare.

* I love that you always tell me how beautiful I am even when I am having a “FAT” day.

* I love how you always run my bath (with bubbles) before you shower to make sure I have enough hot water.

* I love how you love my girls.

* I love how you let me sleep in just a little longer on weekends while you wake up with the girls.

* I love your sense of humour and that you always know how to make me laugh.

I LOVE YOU!

My Beef with FNB.

I have both my bonds with First National Bank - both bonds are still in both our names (Ex and I) Now the one bond is for the home I live in now - No problems with that one really. I live there, I pay the bond, simple.

Now the other bond is an investment property that J and I bought when he got a big increase at work a few years ago.

We had tenants, but for the last year I have been fighting with the agents due to short payment of rent, late payment of rent, electricity not being paid etc.
So January they were evicted after not paying for 3 months.

My ex has not been paying towards the property either, even though in the divorce agreement it quite cleary states he is responsible for 50% of the costs. He never paid his share of the shortfall when there were tenants in - From January to May he didnt pay his share of the full amoutn at all. Only in June did he make a payment. I recieved a summons that FNB were going to re-posess. I spoke to him - I asked what his plans were (now bear in mind along with a reposessions comes a 30 year black mark against your name from the High Court. )he said no plans?

He said he didnt care.

He said to take the money from the maintenance.

Ja right.

So to prevent me being ruined financially by a repossession my father paid the R18000needed to stop the reposession.

I then decided to put the property on the market through FNB's QuickSells.
Throughout this entire year of me fighthing with the tenants and the agents J has not done one thing. When the banks have called me re the short payments I tell them to call him as it is his 50% owing.They say "he told us to call you"

I get told, by the bank "we dont care about your personal problems Ms Daniels"!

Its a High Court order its NOT a personal problem!

So this last week I decide to rather take the property back as it was not going to sell and the mandate was up. If it goes to auction I am even more screwed! P and I can then attempt to take the property over and cut J out completely.
I approach FNB with the following email:

Please see attached documents as requested.

From experience I know the bank generally don’t care about a person’s personal problems (I have been told as much by staff at FNB) lol but this is something I am really hoping the bank can assist me with.

According to my divorce agreement (attached) my ex is liable for 50% of the costs on bond number ********9442. He however refuses to accept any and all responsibility towards this property. He has told me to take the money out of my maintenance every month – but I can’t. The maintenance is for my children and doesn’t even cover everything that it has to for them. To do that would be to not pay something else. Not really something I want to do. Although over the last year I have had to rob Peter to pay Paul due to non payment of maintenance from his side. I have been making all the payments to Questa Rey over the last year. Fighting with agents re non/short payments. Fighting with tenants re the same. Mr Daniels hasn’t even worried for one minute about this property or the payment thereof. He even went so far as to withdraw the rental money we received from the tenants in January from the One account to pay into his credit card. He only just this last month made an effort to pay the required payment.

I eventually had to put the property on Quick sell as the tenants were evicted and I just cannot pay for the bond on my own. I can barely make it as it is with my other expenses. Hence the reason the One Account is in arrears by a month. My dad sold some shares in order to pay the R17 000 arrears on Questa Rey last month.

He is now threatening to go overseas and work for a humanitarian organisation – therefore not earning a salary therefore not paying me maintenance. He is threatening this as he is “tired of paying me maintenance”. And “wants me to lose everything and be the reason for it”. I have sms and email proof of this. Apparently he has already resigned.

I am looking after two children and it is a battle for me every month to meet the commitments that I have – never mind now having to pay the full bond on Questa Rey.

I do however now have someone that is willing to assist me in paying the bond on Questa Rey..IF I can get tenants. He is willing to assist me in paying the shortfall between the rental and the bond repayment. Him and I will then do a substitution of Debtor when my situation improves.

I would like FNB’s assistance with the following:

1 – If the property does not sell on Quick Sell, I want to take the property back and find tenants. I fear the property going on auction – as my ex will NOT pay towards the shortfall and I don’t have the means to pay the full shortfall nor do I have the means to keep taking him to court. Nor do I think it fair. That could potentially ruin me forever if the property sells for 100/200k below what I owe FNB.

2 – If FNB do agree for me to take the property back – I would like them to agree to a payment holiday for 3 – 4 months in order to give me time to find tenants.

I am truly hoping that FNB are able to assist me in this situation, I have done the best I can with what I have had. My father has put 1000’s into this property and he just can’t anymore.

I really would like to keep it as an investment for my children which was the initial plan when Mr Daniels and I purchased the property. I have been through so much at the hands of this man the last year and this is one area where I require assistance from FNB in order to prevent any further financial problems which could potentially cripple myself and put myself and my daughters , literally, out on the streets.

I look forward to your favourable response,

I get a call back. And you know what thier answer is??

No.

Just like that.

No.

"Because there is not enough equity in the property" They tell me.

So - a bank as large as FNB are not willing to help me. Not willing to help me when I have done EVERYTHING in my power to honour my agreements. I dont think I am asking for a lot? I dont think I am being that unreasonable in my request?

I NEED HELP!

So...FNB...How can we help you?????? #epicfail!

I've started sewing again :)

Sewing was always something I did under guidance from my mom. She was a master!lol. She made most of my clothes as a child. My Debutantes Ball dress, my Matric dance dress, my evening gowns for dances at University. She even made my wedding dress. After she passed away I just couldnt. I had no inclination. This past weekend I was looking at some of my fabric I had stored and I just had this urge to get-a-sewing :)

I made these two tops for Lem - and shame she was so happy that I had made them for her and "I'm going to tell EVERYONE at school Mom". It was a real *puffy heart* moment and the joy in sewing is coming back :) I cant actually wait now to find the time to make some more things for her :)

I must admit that when I was done and it all worked the first thing I wanted to do was show my mom. I just smiled knowing that she is watching me and I hope what I made met with her approval. Although when I took some shortcuts I could almost hear her "NO Tanya - that isnt what I taught you!" pmsl. lol Love you mom.

A year later, and I am finally divorced!!

Ok that may sound a bit strange, considering I was officialy divorced in May last year (I survived a year...yay me!) But the real truth is I was never "mentally" divorced.

Now that doesn't mean I wish I had stayed married - it means that I was still clinging to the hope that J and I could have had some sort of normal relationship. That we could still have a "friendship" as honestly when we were on a good wicket it was good. I wanted that so badly for the girls too. Not to have J and I at each others throats.

I was scared too to upset him incase he "up and left" like he has been threatening to do, leaving me and the girls on the streets as we can NOT survive without his maintenance.


But - I have finally realised, a year later that the less I have to do with him the better.
I have finally realised that I would rather NOT have him in my life, in any form.
He adds absolutely no value to my life and does nothing more other then cause stress for me, problems for me and P (another post needed for this one) and heartache for the girls.

What caused this turn around from my part? Well I am ashamed to say. I did something I thougth I would NEVER do.

Two weeks ago J asked if he could take Lem go-karting the one afternoon after school. I said sure. Then - on the day - the bank called to ask me when we were going to pay this months installment on the property J and I co-own (it is on the market) I told them I (my dad) had just paid R18 000 to bring it up to date and I had nothing more. They were to ask J as I just could not pay anything to wards it.
Later that day I asked J if they had called, he said yes. So I said "and??" and the response I got was:

Really, I’m not sure what to do…have the judgement made…get my share payouts in july and just leave with the other judgements…and when I come back…face all of it…just do not feel like being here anymore…

My Reply:
My dad just paid R17 000 two weeks ago into that place.
You KNOW there are no tenants.

Yet you just REFUSE to stand up to your responsibilities as far as that place is concerned??? Even tho by NOT doing so is in violation of a court order??
I do NOT understand it???? WTF are you trying to prove????

His Reply:

I don’t think you’re gonna get it until I leave and disappear for a year…and then you’ll appreciate the fact that I don’t owe u anything, not by court order, not by law, not by ethics…I wanna feel the same….so u can carry on singing the same old song…u told me to get over it, I’m over it…I’ll make the same heartless and crappy decisions you made, but ones where I benefit….so all I can really say is, get over it T…anyways, I’ll be leaving my credit card and maybe furniture city unpaid when I leave too…

I must tell you I completely flipped!! Completely!! I told him that if he could not stand up to his responsibilities then there was NO WAY he was going to see Lem that day as it was NOT his weekend.

Yup. I went there. I stooped that low. I used the kids as a pawn after promising myself I would never, ever, ever do it!

I felt so crap I called J straight away to apologise, but he wouldnt hear of it.

What followed was a barrage of sms's like this:

Say bye to them for me! I wont be seeing them again this year…note you can really be happy! I’ll go resign now…and thank you…..

From today, I wish you the worst. I have a feeling you will get what you deserve. Every miserable moment. Remember that I wished it!

You kwno what..you're a miseerable bag. gonna really laugh my ass off with all the misery you bringing onto yourself.
BOOOO!!!!

nothing to say? Good. Just know when shit happens, I've wished it! and soon ,when you lose everything? I'll revel in it!

I could go on but I think you get the gist. He then said he wouldnt be seeing the girls for at least a year and that he would email my bosses claiming I am harrassing him.(no sense right?)

I know I was wrong, so wrong in doing what I did, I acted out of extreme anger with no thought of the consequences.
But after I received those sms's? I had my IT at work block his email - he cant email me anymore and he hasnt even tried to contact myself or the girls on my phone.

The point of this post is finally I see how I DON'T need him. Finally I realise that him and I can NOT have any form of relationship, at all. Ever.
Finally I see that I should have mentally divorced him a year ago as well as legally.

I'm just sorry it took me so long to see it! There has been a lot of heartache and tears along this path.

Funny how things CAN work out :)

I got an email from a friend of mine last week Tuesday asking if she could pass my details on to a work colleague as he needed a cake for his sons birthday - I said of course!
lol.

Turns out he needed a cake for the Sunday - 5 days time, and he wanted a Roary the Race Car.

Bearing in mind I have never done a 3D cake like this before - I accepted the challenge *gulp*

I figured out what cakes I needed to bake to get the required shape - and then it was the icing. Oh the icing! I had to colour white icing red - so it took a fair amount of dye to do this - which meant the icing dried out. Which meant that the first 6-8 tries to get the icing over the cake resulted in a cracked mess that I couldnt fix.

I was just about to give up and fake my own death as I didnt think I could get this cake done..when..it worked!!!!

I must admit I am very pleased with the result and I learnt a lot in the process. The father was most impressed when I delivered and shame he even called me last night to thank me again. I was literaly beaming from ear to ear :)

Here is a pic of my version of Roary the Race Car :)

Irritated with the system!

I sometimes wonder who our maintenence system and divorce system was actually designed for. I often just shake my head at the challenges I have to face asking for what is necessary for me to sustain some form of decent lifestyle.


Sorry I've been MIA but I havent had internet at home and I dont get access at work and its a nightmare to update via my BB :(

Its in my Divorce Agreement that the maintenance is supposed to go up annually by the CPI. I have an Emolument order (similar to a garnishee) against J's salary. So, logical thinking is that I should just be able to go to the maintenance courts with my Divorce agreement -they see what was ordered and the Emolument is amended -right?

Wrong!

From what the lady at the maintenance court says I have to basically re-apply? I need to provide 6 months bank statements, 6 months payslips plus the last 6 months expenses in triplicate.

Do you have any idea how much paper work that all is? Even my slips that I've kept I need to copy in triplicate.


Not only that but they want letters from the school confirming the fee increase.

I guess I'm just irritated because its a heck of a lot of work for a couple hundred rands extra, and I literally mean a couple! And I also dont really understand the logic behind it, I'm NOT applying for extra per say - its what is stated in agreement???

lol I dunno perhaps you can help me see things differently as you so often have before :)

Its Over....

I dont even know where to begin with this post as so much has happened the last few days.

For those that have seen my FB lately they will know that P and I are no longer together. It came as much as a shock to me as anyone else. I honestly thought that he was the one. My knight in shining armour.

This post is more about trying to sort this all out in my head and try make sense of what actually happened.

The story goes back to around October last year when I found out P had been having "conversations" with a woman on FB. And they weren't exactly talking about the weather if you know what I mean.

My trust in P took a serious knock right about then. I became naturally suspicious of him - as he worked from home he was online at home the whole day. I became so supicious in fact I installed a monitoring programe on his pc - similar to what you use to monitor your childrens usage. I am ashamed of this but I just had to know what was going on.

I found out via the screen shots taken by this program that he was indeed talking to another woman. I cant even tell you what that did to me. I lost all trust in him right then. I knew I would never completely trust him again.

Fast forward to this last Thursday - I got a summons that the bank are repossessing the investment property that J and I still own together as J has not been paying his share of the bond.

So Friday I have an argument with J about the summons, he refuses point blank to pay anything. He then starts an argument with P - sending emails and sms's that were quite frankly VERY below the belt. P decides he is leaving me, thats it, he cant take any more. I dont fight it as quite frankly he should not have to take that and I can not stop J. P has had to put with a heck of a lot at J's hands and everyone has a breaking point.
I went out to a friend as he wanted to pack in peace. I got home later that night to find him passed out on my couch and he had left his FB open. And guess what??? A message from HER. About how much she loves him.

Thats when I lost it and woke him up - i told him if he wanted her he can have her. I have NO interest in him whatsoever anymore.

He left my house the following morning. I then sent that woman a msg and wasnt so nice about what I had to say - turns out P has made me out to be a real gem! I use him as a glorified baby sitter, I dont give him whats rightfully his, I dont give him any money (ummmm..he wasnt earning any!) I need a personality transplant...and so on. You get the picture. And he did tell her he needed to work on mine and his relationship - but he got hold of her a few weeks ago again - he was in love with her and couldnt get her out of his head.

I decided right then and there thats it. I cant do this anymore. I told him to get out of my house. Right now he has nowhere to go. He asked to sleep in my shed - he has asked for spare change. But I cant do it. He is blaming me for everything - blaming my "relationship" with J, blaming it on the kids, you name it.

He told me that I have done to him what I couldnt do to J and that I hope he was worth it. So I asked if she was worth it. He said "Yes, at least she listened"

So he can go sleep in her shed. Oh wait. She's in the UK. Well? too bad. I honestly feel like a monster - BUT - I cant take him back. Not now.

In the future? I dont know. I dont know if I will ever ever trust him again.

But now that I read all of that.....is that really enough to end a relationship over? Really enough to kick someone out that has no where to go?
Could there ever be a chance at happiness for us again?

My head and my heart are at war. My head is saying let him go. You can never trust him. My heart is saying but you love him. He did love you. He did show it.

I dont know. I just don't know

The cost of fun.

Yes this post is once again about financial stuff but thats pretty much in the forefront of my mind all the time lol.

Hence of the reasons I haven't posted in so long is I couldnt pay the Telkom account lol *sigh*

You know when the girls go to J they have a ball of a time. He can afford to take the girls to Gold Reef City and to movies and for take outs.
Me? I just can't. What I would pay on one day out like that would feed us for a week. So Dad is always the "Cool Dad".


So I try keep us busy at home - I hire the girls a DVD, we bake, we do beading, we take the dogs for a walk. We go to "free" places like Emmarentia and feed the ducks but that becomes "boring" for them rather quickly. Sometimes I also want to be the "Cool Mom" you know? The Mom that takes them to interesting places and shows them new things.

With the long weekend we have just had I was glad that J had the girls for at least 2 days - I was searching for places to take them that wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg, and seriously - I don't know how places that would make for a fun family day out can justify the entrance fees they charge. Unless its because I don't have that much to spend that is seems excessive? I know there are running costs etc - but they just seem beyond the reach of the normal family - like they are geared for the tourist?

Just as an example:
Lion and Rhino Reserve - R460 for a family of four
Lion Park - R390 for a family of four
Johannesburg Zoo - R160 for a family of four
Pretoria Zoo - R180 for a family of four
Gold Reef City - R500 for a family of four Movies - R196 for four tickets.
Monkey Sanctuary Harties - R580 for a family of four

I can't see how (with exception of the zoo) that any of those days out could cost under R1000 as you would still need to pay for breakfast/lunch and other little things throughout the day that the kids ask for lol.


Lol my girls and I are just going to have to be creative as far as entertainment goes for a little while longer :)

I'll help you....but..!

Since my divorce (actually prior to) my financial status has been anything but satisfactory. My ex stopped any form of financial support a month or two before my divorce and then after the divorce for about 3 months or so until I got a garnishee order in place I never recieved anything. Now he earns 6 x what I do - my expenses did not drop just because he moved out - so I am sure you can imagine what kind of damage going those 6 months without any support from him did to me financially.

I am still in a very precarious situation - I owe money almost everywhere, lol. I do not answer my cell if it is an unknown number. I am still a few thousand short every month to meet my most basic commitments. lol I am robbing Peter to pay Paul right now lol.

I have sold almost everything I can. My Orbitrek excercise machine, my sewing machine, books, and just this morning my gorgeous 8 seater dining room suite.

There have however been a few people that have done so much to help me that I am forever grateful for. I am truly truly blessed to have people like this in my life.

* My dad - he has given me what he can when he can - no conditions.

* I had a good friend that paid my girls school fee's in January because I could not due to me not having recieved rental on my other property and I had to pay the full bond - no conditions.

* I cancelled Lemon's birthday party last year because I just could not afford it. A friend of mine that I know from an online Mom's forum (I have probably only physically ever seen her once or twice) sent me enough money to pay for her entire party. No conditions.

* I was speaking to my best friend a few days before Saige's birthday two weeks ago telling her how dissapointed I was that I just couldnt afford to get Saige what she REALLY wanted for her birthday, a bike. This friend went and bought Saige a bike. Just like that. When she is a single mom too and battling as much as I am. No conditions.

* Friend 3 and 4 above are bringing some snacks along to Saige's birthday party on Saturday. In fact I have had a few offers. No conditions.

Now the reason I put "no conditions" behind all the above is because I have had an offer of help. From someone I never thought would put any conditions behind wanting to help me.

My brother.

Yes, he has arrived and it is wonderful having him home for a bit BUT....

A few weeks ago he asked me how I was doing financially. I said "shit" . lol. So he asked me to send him my budget - which I did because I thought maybe he could see some ways to cut down that I couldnt?

He then said he can "help" me with some cash to meet some of my arrear payments..WITH CONDITIONS.
I need to prove that what I am paying for Saige's schooling is the "cheapest" (its actually bang on average) and I need to prove my levy payments and I have to explain why there's a special levy for the complex, cancel my home phone (which I did anyway) and so on and so on.

My brother does not have kids, he has NO idea what is involved in looking after them.
I am not going to go through the rest of the list but the decision I have made is he can keep his money.

Please dont think I expect hand outs, believe me I dont. In fact quite the contrary. I'm just a bit upset that friends have helped me like they have with "no conditions" but he is.

I dont know whether I am just being sensitve about this, but considering the help I have had from people outside of my family with "no conditions" ....I was kind of expecting the same from family.

Finally.....

My website is up and running :)

Its been up about 2 weeks but our ADSL line at home has been down so havent been able to do anything online :( WAY behind in my blog reading too but I will catch up asap!

It still needs some work - like an actual shopping basket but I am really struggling with the coding for that - just cant figure it out. But...I will :) :)

So here it is :) Enchanted Charms.Take a peek? And pls feel free to leave me a comment with any feedback or suggestions? More then anything I want this to work! lol.

TIA :)

How honest do you really need to be?

A question was raised on a Mommy forum I chat on - although the scenario surrounding the question was different, the question still applies to me.

How honest do you really need to be with your children? How much "glossing" over do you really need to be to protect them from the "nasties" of grown up life?

Since the divorce this is an issue I have struggled with a great deal. There have been many times I have wanted to tell Lem EXACTLY what her dad is doing / has done - but then I think to myself that he is still her dad, her hero. Don't tarnish that image that she has of him. He deserves that respect.

Or does he?

Right now he is in Cape Town for a week to see the U2 Concert. He took Lem last week to the Johannesburg show as well.
I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy that he is seeing them twice, once in a another city and I couldnt afford to see them once.
It was due to this jealousy that him and I had a huge argument on Monday night, as he got Lemon home at 1.30am Monday morning - he said he didnt want to keep her with him as he was going to work. So we all have a really long day on Monday only having got to bed at 1.30 - and he slept till after lunch!
The result of our argument was that he was leaving. He was going to work in Zambia as a missionary earning peanuts as he cant "take me and my shit" anymore.

I wish I had a "rolly eyes" icon. Better yet I wish I had R1 for everytime he has threatened that. Everything that he has now is what he asked for.
He wanted to be alone as he would be so much happier without me.
Really??

So he has requested that I now think of him as dead. He wants nothing more to do with me (which means the kids too incase he doesnt realise) and we must have a happy life.
Till when?
Till he decides to one day play dad again?
He does not realise what he is doing to these kids! As much as I respect that he is the father of my children (note - I didnt say I respected him) that brings me back to my original question -

How honest do I reallly need to be?

Got some FAB news today!!

Finally a bit of happy!! :) :)

My brother, who lives in Perth, will be here for a week at the end of March!!! Eeeeeeek I am so excited!!!!

I was chatting to his girlfriend today and she said "I am sure you are thrilled to have him home for a bit" - I was like "whaaaat" ?? Bbm'd him and yup = he will be here March 25th :)

I haven't seen him since November 2009 when we scattered my moms ashes.. Last year was probably the toughest year of my life with the divorce and custody case and everything else - I so badly wanted him here to help me through it....Although he is my baby brother he has, in the last few years, been my rock. The voice of reason amidst the craziness and emotion.

And the best part is he will be here for Saige's 3rd birthday party :) He has only ever been to one of my kids birthday parties and that was Lem's third.

Cant wait for you to be here Boetie!!!!

It's the little things....

We were watching Knight and Day this evening (Diaz and Cruise) and Cameron Diaz was given a truth serum and was talking about Knight (Cruise) and how its the little things he does that are so special. Amidst my giggling (she's really quirky) I got thinking about it. And that is so true.

Next Friday is mine and P's first anniversary of when we met. I can't believe its been a year...and we are still so comfortable and at ease with each other...its natural?

I'm quite happy to admit I have found my soulmate.
And I love him as much now as I did when I first fell in love. Why?

It could be because our birthday is on the same day....because we are so alike and we know each other as we know ourselves.

But,

Its the little things.

Its when he wakes up before me in the morning and makes me coffee and (if early enough) runs me a bath - and he wakes me with a kiss and a backrub :)
Its making the kids breakfast, every morning.
Its when he helps get the girls ready for school....tag team :)
Its when he spends hours cleaning my car, inside and out.
Its making sure I have a cup of coffee every morning in my travel mug for my drive to work.
Its bringing me a cup of coffee for the drive home when he fetches me from work.
Its when he wakes up early on weekends with the girls and lets me sleep in.
Its when he scrubs my back every night when I have a bath :)
Its when he washes the dishes every night.
Its when he sits with Lem every night practising her guitar chords.
Its when he pops out to the shop at 10pm because I forgot to buy smokes on the way home.

All of these cost nothing...but time. And that is one thing he is willing to give 100% of.....to me.
And to my girls.

We really are a team. And a dam good one. I'm still trying to get used to it - I never had anyone give as much time and be so willing to help before.

But I like it :) And I love him for it :)

There is never a *winner* when it comes to divorce....

I've been thinking about this quite a bit this week.

When referring to a divorce case/maintenance or custody hearing Someone always "wins". But what exactly is it that you have won?

No-one goes into a marriage wanting to be a divorcee. Wanting to seperate from the person you once could not live without.

Sometimes the fairy tale ends. It ends in Divorce.

Most will say thier divorce was amicable. Really?
I battle to understand how that can truly be the case. One party will always hold resentment towards the other for what ever transgression may have caused the divorce in the first place. Yes, the terms may have been amicable but I really doubt your feelings will be.

Everyone who knows my story thinks I am a winner by getting divorced. By getting out of an abusive (on all levels) marriage. I'm giggling to myself as I write this because I'm thinking if I was really a winner I would have seen the signs and not got married in the first place.

Yes on my day in court I "won". The marriage was ended in the way I wanted. I got the terms I wanted.
I now had the freedom to start living my life with my girls that I should have been living all along.
I had the oppurtunity to start building a life with the most wonderful man who had come into my life as if he had been sent by an angel.

Yet that came with an expensive price tag - and a sadness. Not for me.

For my girls having to live with a *twice a month if he can fit them into his schedule* dad. A dad that has withheld maintenance from me because he is so angry that I have found someone else that really knows how to treat a woman (he would have still had me had he listened for all those years)
For my girls having to see me cry because I have literally sometimes not known where the next meal is coming from. For them not being able to go to birthday parties because I can't buy presents. Heck for them not being able to have thier own parties.

For them having to listen to vague masked comments from friends and family about how much better off I am without him (confusing much?)

For them knowing that thier dad was trying to take them away from me (unsettling much?)

For me. For me wanting to still maintain some kind of a relationship with "him" (its better for everyone surely?) That I will allow myself to be drawn in only to be stabbed in the back again when "it" uses info given in casual conversation to once again kick me down. Now? I am so bitter, angry and resentful there will never be anything other then the girls between us again.

For years I heard how much better off he would be without me. How much happier he would be. How he couldnt wait to live his life as a single man.

There was a race to the finish as to who would get out first.

I "won"

Or did I ?

My Jewellry

As requested :) Here are some pics of the jewellry that I make and sell - They can be either single, double, triple or quadruple stranded Name Bracelets and in virtually any colour imaginable. I once had a grand mother order 9 different colours each with a name of one of her nine grandchildren :)

Christening Bracelet














My big seller right now is my Twilight bracelet - each charm representing a pivotal part of the saga :)



Visit my page on FB for more of what I do :) Enchanted Charms :)

I have a dream....

Well two actually. And although neither of them necessarily depends on the other,the one would be far easier if the other came to fruition :)

I want to live at the coast. Dream no 1
And I want to be a work-from-home-mom.

The 2 weeks I spent at Uvongo were nothing short of amazing!!! As a Cancerian (well was...now a Gemini according to the new signs but I'll stick with Cancer thanks :) ) I am happier at the coast as Cancerians are
ruled by the moon and the moon's influence is strongest at the ocean. It.really.is :)

Clambering around the rocks with my girls, showing them things, exploring, poking around...THAT is how I want so spend my days! Sitting on the patio watching the moon shine its silver glow over the Ocean.

I have given myself a time-line - and that is in 3 years I want to be living by-de-see.

As for working from home? Well there a few interests I have that hopefully will generate an income.
First one is Photography. This is a scarey one. lol. I have a lot of friends that are the most incredible photographers - but photography has always been an interest of mine and judging by my research - there arent that many lifestyle photographers at the coast. So for now my route down this road is to learn my camera...well not my camera as such but rather learn the settings and what they do. Right now I have a vague idea lol.
That is the reason I have revived my photo blog. Please pay a visit? I would appreciate any and all feedback!



Secondly is my jewellry. I have been on a roll since Xmas and it is steadily maintaining. I just need that breakthrough for it to be viable enough as an income rather then pocket money.

So thats it. I have a dream. One that I feel I really really could reach. One that I NEED to reach. For me. For once!

No Tv

When we got back from holiday our DSTV decoder was broken...I gave it to J last week (he works for them) and he said he would have it repaired. Turns out...he had no intention of giving it back. As my DSTV account was on his staff account (can kinda compare it to Cable for my US readers) he cancelled that too and I can not afford to get my own account so thats that.

So, for 3 weeks we have had no TV. And to be honest? I dont miss it? I dont even think the kids do? i find we have far more time now to spend together. We watch a movie in the evening - and before that I really spend time with the kids and I'm loving it! I cant see me rushing to get any form of TV anytime soon!

I got Lem a 1500 piece puzzle 3 yrs ago fro xmas and we just started it :)We both got so absorbed in it we didnt even realise we worked half an hour into her bedtime!

This is how it will be when its done :) I cant wait! I am going to frame it for her room :)

It just never ever ends!

I had a day from hell today again!
J and I still have a joint account at FNB (its a One account..the bond account on my house but its also a cheque account. Until i take the property over its in both names)
Genassist put through a double debit order in December and refunded me to the FNB account (I now use my ABSA account) and the rent for the 2nd property we own goes in there too.

I asked J to pls change the cell phone number for the internet banking to my cell number so I could get my insurance refund out (I was banking on that money to get me through the rest of the month) as well as transfer the rental monies to the bond as they were paid late and the debit order bounced.

He has been flat out ignoring me for two days - I went to teh bank today to draw a statement, he has transferred all the money to his account. My refund as well as the rental money.

When I emailed him he said basically F*k you, its "my" money.

He has left me with 55 cents

The worst is now Lem was crying cos I promised her new school shoes today and I cant get them and the kids are teasing her cos her shoes are broken F**k I hate him!

But - every dog has his day right?

PS Don't forget to comment on my previous post :)

My first blog Meme

Inspired by Angel

With this blog post, I promise to send something I have made with my own two hands to the first 5 people who leave a comment on this post saying they would like to take part.
Here’s how it works.
1.The blogger posting the offer must send something to the 5 commenters before the end of 2011.
2.What is sent to the commenters must be handmade by the blogger.
3.The commenters who ask to take part must post the same offer on their blogs, and then send something handmade to the five commenters who ask to take part, and so on and so on.

How does that sound!?!