Shew.....

Well, the protection order was served on J today. I really don't think he thought I was serious!

This is what he had to say about it:

I just accepted the protection order papers. I have read through and it’s difficult to respond in any way other than it’s obvious you are happy to move on. If you were filing for divorce, I’m not sure why you would complicate the issue by filing this protection, but it is your choice and I’ll accept it.

He doesn't understand why I could complicate the issue??
He doesn't understand why I would want to ensure mine and my childrens safety???
The only mistake I made was not doing it years ago. And I told him as much!

I spoke to my brother this morning and he is going to loan me the money to pay the attourney. I wish I could say its a relief...but I was hit with a dose of realism today.
The magnitude of what I am doing finally hit me.

The doubts are nagging me now. But everytime one rears it's head I think back to one of those times when I have been belittled, humiliated or hurt by which ever weapon was chosen by him - be it his mouth or his hand.

I am so scared my children hate me one day for taking them away from thier father.
What if Lem (Saige is too young) doesn't remember what her father did to me or to her? What if Saige grows up knowing that "mommy took me away from daddy".


What if I don't go through with this and they land up hating me for NOT taking them away?

How will I know I am doing the right thing? I think I am, but how do I really know?

I am praying for wisdom and courage to get me through this.

I did something huge today

I've tried to give explanations but just haven't been able to find the right words .....maybe I'm still in shock that I actually did it?

This morning I went to my divorce attourney to begin proceedings..and I spent 4 hours at court getting a protection order in place to protect myself and my children...but the damn thing wasn't served. Probably sitting in some in tray at the police station still!

Pls wish me luck for the long road ahead.

My love of cooking is back...!

I know I've been scarce...I've had such issues with my connection lately..it keeps dropping which is hugely frustrating! J seems to have fixed it now - I hope!

It's been a while since I have been excited to be in the kitchen.

I am a trained chef and for 5 years worked in various restaurants around Johannesburg. After a while the hours started becoming too much as you work 10 - 12 hour days 5-6 days a week. Its also not a life for a lady wanting to settle down and start a family.

Its hard when you are cooking 10 hours a day to still want to come home and cook and to still enjoy it, lol.

The bug comes and goes...most of the time cooking for me is a chore, something I have to do rather then want to do.

Then there are the times when I absolutely love cooking and my family love it too lol.

The bug has bitten this week...from a Thai seafood curry for my friends on Friday to a full on roast lunch yesterday .....wonder whats on the menu tomorrow :)

So we are back :)

And I must say we had a lovely time!
It was slightly marred by the fact that Saige got Tonsilitis on our first night there, which was a Friday. By the Monday after I had panado'd her up she wasnt any better so had to rush her off to the ER as she was burning a really high fever. They gave her some Antibiotics which only really kicked in on the Wednesday - but at least we were able to have some fun in the sun!

The weather wasnt too bad at all...on Tuesday and Wednesday there was a bit of a chilly wind blowing - Thursday was better and Friday while we were packing up it was glorious! lol.

Here are some of my fave pics of the girls :) Sorry there are so many I couldnt choose my faves from this lot!
I have some lovely floral shots which I will post tomorrow :)

Bye all...

off on holiday in the morning.

See you in just over a week :)

The Holiday Curse..s...

I'm actually having a quiet giggle here...there are two things that always, without fail, happen before we are due to go on holiday.

1. The car breaks down.

The car went in for a service last week - was meant to cost in the region of R800.
It landed up costing R6000 as the mechanics (and my dad) kept finding different things that needed to be fixed.

2. J doesn't want to go with..
I can bet my life on it that the week before us having to leave on holiday J starts with "I don't want to go cos I'm not wanted" story. Oh and its the "I'd rather be happy on my own then miserable with you" story too. You know what? Cry me a f**ing river why don't you! In typical Leo fashion I have to stroke the mane, boost the ego...well not this time! Honestly once I decided to leave him behind and was half an hour into my journey and I felt so bad I went back home and spent an hour begging him to please come with J, it won't be the same without you J blah blah f**ing blah.

Well not this time I won't. His bags are packed on Friday morning or they're not. If he wants his kids to grow up with holiday photos that DON'T include him then so be it.

I will have a great time with my girls regardless of whether he is there or not.

I am done begging.

A bit of an update

I've been scarce around these parts lately, lol. So here is a bit of an update as to whats happening round here :)

I have 8 sleeps left till we leave on holiday! I can't wait!! We will be staying at Club Hacienda, Shelley Beach
I am *so* looking forward to it! I am just praying for way better weather then we had last year!

Although it is bad timing...on of my best friends is getting married that week and my husband refuses to cut our trip short by a day in order for me to make the wedding. I really am not happy about it, but I can't just leave him at the coast...can I??? *grin*

The website I did for the company in Australia is finally up! I posted a sneak peek a while ago, but I then presented them with a more "technical" looking site then the pretty one I did initially, lol. Being guys they, after much deliberation, settled on the second one. Its 98% complete, once I recieve payment I'll complete it, lol.
Take a peek here

Then the last update is about Lemon, my eldest. The teacher noticed she wasn't able to see the board from where she was sitting, near the back. So she was moved closer. It didn't help much as Lem still had to get up to see the board. I took her to our optometrist and it turns out she needs glasses - she inherited J's bad eyes. I will post pics soon, I must admit I have been VERY lazy and haven't picked up my camera in weeks! I promise to get some up this weekend!

I think thats about all my news..off to catch up in bloggerland :)