Friday, September 24, 2010

How much more?

So after last weeks episode J has now decided to sue me for custody. He has applied for an emergency custody order.

He asked that I give him the girls for 3 months to *sort myself out* and that he would give them back after the 3 months? When I said no he then went ahead with the court application.

I am absolutely finished! There is no way in hell he is getting these girls! For those that have been reading my blog for a while you will know exactly the kind of things he has done - I can't see how a judge would award that to him? But there is also that nagging feeling that *just maybe*

Apparantly I will be getting a summons on Monday to appear in court during the course of next week. Part of me doesnt really believe him as he has been threatening this the last few months. But, I have my game face on and I will fight for my girls. I will fight for as long as it takes.

I have started preparing my arsenal for the war and right now I believe mine looks pretty good - if what my attourney has told me is anything to go by.

So, yet anothe battle I need to fight due to this man. He is saying P is the bad one he doesnt want around the kids hence the fight.

But - P is no longer around. So I really find his claim baseless. But I suppose right now its not up to me.

If he gets my girls he takes my life away.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The end of a dream....

Ok - to start at the beginning, P had a bit of a drinking problem but it was something I thought we could work on you know? That now that I had given him a home and a family it would be enough for him?

Thursday he found out that his 2 children in the UK were taken away from the mother by social services, so he started drinking. Despite that we had a really great evening? Then J sms'd me to say he had left P a voice message and that the two of them were going to have issues (the blow up between them was ineveitable) Then I asked P what happened? He called J and was a downright ass. J then pitched up here - for the next hour I had to stop J tryhing to get into the house at P and P trying to get out at J. My dad was called, the cops were called. I managed to get the kids out the house and we went next door to the neighbours. I managed to get hold of P's brother and he came to fetch him.

That was the end of our relationship.

Then yesterday P came back here to get his things, I went to work. He stayed..and got drunk again. My dad was going to call the police again to have him arrested - I told my dad please can we not rather offer him help? I came here with my dad and we offered him to go with my dad to his house and that my dad would book him in somewhere for help. He said no. I told him to leave.
he left here still blind drunk.
I met J to get the kids and when I came home he was standing outside on the pavement outside my complex. J called the police again. When I went into Lems room I closed the curtains and saw P hiding in the garden behind my shed. I knew that once J left he would try come inside and I wouldnt have the strength to turn him away.

The police came and J told them to check and P was in the garden. They removed him. An hour later I got a collect call from him to collect him from the police station. I didnt go.

When Nash left another hour later he was standing outside. She came back here to get him a jacket and told him to leave and never come back.

I really do still love him. I really do. My heart is shattered right now. I packed his things this morning and it was the hardest thing I have done. If he will agree to get help I will probably take him back. He really was a super super person. He adored me and the kids and they adored him. I just really couldnt deal with his drinking anymore. Right now I feel like the poop on the bottom of your shoe for what I did last night.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

One year ago today

I lost my mom - at 1h30am on the 3rd September.
One year ago I held my moms hand as God took her home.

I remember that night as clear as day. Standing by her hospital bed, watching her struggle to live.

Not one day has gone by that I havent thought of her in her final moments.
Or thought of her laugh. Or thought of her cooking. Or her voice.

This last year has been the toughest of my life - ever and it sounds crazy but I feel I had her strength to get through it.

Mom I miss you as much today as I did then and the pain is still as real.

Keep smiling down on me mom - I hope I'm making you proud.