Thursday, September 3, 2009

My mommy is gone....

Last night just after 6 the hospital called me and said my moms blood gasses were extremely high and we were to get there asap as it didnt look good. I met my dad and brother there just after 7. We saw my mom and we were told she is now on the maximum adrenaline they can give to keep her heart going and that her blood gasses were so high it indicated massive organ failure and they didn't expect her to make it through the night. We sat with her talking, watching her struggling until just before 12. We decided to go lie down in the the visitors lounge for us all, incl my mom to get some rest. My dad the whole time still hoping for a miracle. Just a small indication she was still going to be ok.
My dad refused to leave her. Just after 12.30 my aunt woke me and said she was leaving so I walked her out. On the way up I stopped at my mom and the sister said she was taking blankets and pillows for us and my dad was in the lounge.
I sat with my mom for about 15 minutes, till just before 1. She was still struggling. I told her how much I loved her and I so badly wanted her to come home.
I left her just before 1.
At 1.30 the nurses came to wake us and told her her heart rate was really low..when we got there her heart was beating at a beat a minute, until it just couldnt anymore and she flatlined.
We held my moms hand as she died.
You know we had been watching those machines so closely for the last month - hoping, praying they would one by one be taken away.
Last night at 1.30 they were.

My mom looked so at peace - finally free of the struggle to live.

My dad is not taking it well at all. He is honestly falling apart and I dont know how to help him. I dont know how he is going to cope being alone in that house when my brother goes back to Oz.

Today while helping him tidy up I found a dress my mom had started sewing for Saige that I am going to finish. As well as an outfit for Lem. Watching my dad unpack her hospital bag was also so hard.

The funeral is on Monday and I honestly don't know how my dad is going to get through it. My heart so goes out to him right now. He cant even get through a phone call without having to pass me the phone. I just pray he finds the courage and strength to get through this, one day at a time.

11 comments:

Corey~living and loving said...

oh dear. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. My heart is with you and your family. May peace come to your hearts.

Laura said...

I am sorry Tanya!!

Thinking of you and your family!

(hugs)

Jenty said...

Thinking of you constantly (((HUGS)))
I'm so very sorry for your loss

JaneW said...

I'm so sorry Tanya, I am thinking of you.

Gillian said...

I have said my prayers for you and your family. May you find the strength to be able to be a comfort to your dad and he to you.

gnatj said...

(((HUGS)))
You and your family are in my heart!

Corey~living and loving said...

I'm still thinkingo of you, Tanya. I hope things are relatively okay in your neck of the woods. I can only imagine your heartache.

Take good care of YOU!

marysramblings said...

So sorry to hear about your loss, thinking of you and your family

Wenchy said...

I am so sorry.

supermom said...

I'm so very sorry

angel said...

Big hugs Tanya.