Sunday, December 27, 2009


Ok this was meant to be a Christmas Photo post..but OMG I just read my horoscope on FB - to be honest I've never put much stock in these things.....but just take a glance at this!!!

It appears that there is something new happening in your environment at work or at home that has been developing (or taking form) for some time, Cancer. Maybe since Mercury, the planet of your house of secrets, has gone retrograde, it cannot remain secret any longer. It is, however, not as much of a problem as it might appear to be right now, because you have plenty of support from helpful people. Don't try to fight against changes now, because they are changes for the better. Start planning now for your place in the new scheme of things.

Hey?????? seen as it is just past midnight I got tomorrows!!!!

Don't let yourself give in to thoughts of helplessness and weakness today, Cancer, because the message is actually about strength. Your partnership house is very powerful right now, and this strengthens you, astrologically. There may be talk of changing the status or nature of the relationship, but if the other person does not agree with what you want, you need to stand your ground. Today compromising or surrendering your hopes for the sake of making temporary peace will only bring about disappointment and regret. You need to be strong for the sake of your future.

blow me down with a fucking feather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Its Christmas??

So is Christmas in 2 days. This is the first year ever I have had no christmas spirit. My tree only went up this past Sunday...other years it's been up by the 1st - without fail.

Working out my christmas menu without my mom? It doesnt seem right.

And J hasn't been the easiest of people this week either. Angel was at my house tonight and asked why I had two christmas Well the reason is that on Sunday afternoon my tree got chucked out into the garden...decorations and bits of tree everywhere.

On the way home from the River Cafe on Sunday my fuel line on my car came loose..petrol was pouring out my car....J doesnt drive.
So I had to call my dad to come help me. I was cooking meals for my dad to freeze for the next week and J asked me to make lunch. Now bear in mind this was about 3pm and he had been playing his PS3 the entire day.
Umm excuse me you have 2 hands??
he got irritated I was taking so long so we got into an argument. I told him to tell his PS3 to cook for him..hahah
Anway to cut a long story short he threw his plate and stabbed a knife into my kitchen counter..while my dad was there.

Dad wants to bliksem J part 2.

Anyway...things calm down and my dad goes home.
That evening J and I got into another argument, him saying that I want xmas to be miserable for everyone and boo-fucking-hoo that its my first christmas without my mom. Oh and that I wont get a single cent from him or anything else.
He throws the tree into the garden.

I wont go into too much detail about what happened next.

I tell my dad about the tree on Monday - he happened to be at a friend (friends for about 30 years) of his who owns a Spar in Primrose. "Friend" then gives my dad a tree...AND all the trimmings!

AND he gives my dad the money for my lawyer..NO strings attached!

So now I have 2 trees (the other was rescued albeit a bit battered) and my lawyer has been paid.

It may be a good christmas afterall!

Friday, December 11, 2009

The process is in motion...

I saw my attourney this morning...the ball is rolling now!

I have mixed emotions about today. I have wanted to do it for so long, and now that the process has begun it feels odd? Like did I REALLY do that?
I'm flippen scared too.

Scared of how I am going to cope financially, how I am going to cope with the girls on my own.
Scared that I wont ever meet *the one*. Scared that my girls will one day hate me for taking them away from thier father.

J however says that "Ja we may get divorced now but we will be back together in a year". Bwhahahahah stay on the good stuff dude! I need to find somewhere to live. I've been looking around and there isnt much decent out there in my price is a small amount of panic setting in but I do have some time :)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I'm finished

Things have reached a new level of "low"
Although in saying that my decision has been made *that* much easier for me.

You know when you think that a person can not be nastier or uglier then they have been in the past and they just completely suprise you be sinking even lower?

J has completely and utterly crushed me this week. I have nothing left. I'm finished.

* He's taken my cell phone away.
* Refused to go to my year end function as he doesnt want to be seen with a "fat miserable bitch"
* I have had to find a lift to my function as he won't let me use the car.
* He has taken all the bank cards as they are in "his" name. The fact that they are "joint" accounts obviously means nothing right?
* He has disconnected the DSTV and Internet line at home.

* Threatened to resign and relocate as not to have to pay me maintenance.
And I quote:
"I’ve just checked my retirement fund, I have enough to hang around for 3 months giving you R15 000, and then spending 6 months to a year backpacking and doing odd jobs in Europe or the US…even South America…I’m just saying...gotta remember that I will have more freedom to do what I want, and it wouldn’t be fair to tell me don’t go see the world if it’s what I want to do …. Just be careful how hardball you want to play, I probably got bigger balls and a couple more in my court…but I’m willing to play by whatever rules you make"

and again
"I was willing to make this as easy as possible…really was, now u got me seriously thinking about resigning and relocating even…cos I can’t see myself even living in JHB with you here…'

One thing has completely destroyed me
He told me he had a conversation with Lemon over the weekend and it was very clear that she despises me.

Oh and "You may get the girls now I am so useless it wont take him long to get them taken away from me"

My lawyer isnt coming back to me *grrr* so if anyone knows of one - pls mail me?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Am I losing my mind??

So once again things at home are not that great.

Last week Thursday J and I have a huge argument on the way to work. He tells me he's had enough, he wants out and I need to call my lawyer.
After I drop him off I was speaking to my mom, asking her what I should do. Wishing she was here as she was so great to speak to.
Not even 20 mins after I get to work my lawyer calls. Now I havent spoken to my lawyer since my mom went into hospital. He says he wants to draw up the summons..what must he do?
I honestly took that as a sign?

So it all ends up with J packing his stuff on Saturday and telling me he is leaving by the end of this week.
I dont cry
I dont beg
I dont plead
The only thing I ask is that he allows me to please keep the house as rental anywhere else will be more or less the same....and at least the girls won't be uprooted too much.
He says I can keep the house, but if I buy it at market value? So bang goes that idea as I honestly wont be able to afford that. So I will have to rent somewhere.

Then this is where I question my sanity.
He can not understand why I am wanting to leave him.
Why I am wanting to "destroy" the girls lives, mine and his by getting a divorce.
He says that I am the reason for the breakdown of our marriage and that I have a chip on my shoulder that prevents me from being happy.
I think back over what I have had to put up with...what I have been through..and I can't fathom how on earth he feels justified having treated me like he has? Surely its not normal?

Those that have read here regularly will know what I have had to put up with, honestly.....surely I'm not the crazy one??