Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I'll help you....but..!

Since my divorce (actually prior to) my financial status has been anything but satisfactory. My ex stopped any form of financial support a month or two before my divorce and then after the divorce for about 3 months or so until I got a garnishee order in place I never recieved anything. Now he earns 6 x what I do - my expenses did not drop just because he moved out - so I am sure you can imagine what kind of damage going those 6 months without any support from him did to me financially.

I am still in a very precarious situation - I owe money almost everywhere, lol. I do not answer my cell if it is an unknown number. I am still a few thousand short every month to meet my most basic commitments. lol I am robbing Peter to pay Paul right now lol.

I have sold almost everything I can. My Orbitrek excercise machine, my sewing machine, books, and just this morning my gorgeous 8 seater dining room suite.

There have however been a few people that have done so much to help me that I am forever grateful for. I am truly truly blessed to have people like this in my life.

* My dad - he has given me what he can when he can - no conditions.

* I had a good friend that paid my girls school fee's in January because I could not due to me not having recieved rental on my other property and I had to pay the full bond - no conditions.

* I cancelled Lemon's birthday party last year because I just could not afford it. A friend of mine that I know from an online Mom's forum (I have probably only physically ever seen her once or twice) sent me enough money to pay for her entire party. No conditions.

* I was speaking to my best friend a few days before Saige's birthday two weeks ago telling her how dissapointed I was that I just couldnt afford to get Saige what she REALLY wanted for her birthday, a bike. This friend went and bought Saige a bike. Just like that. When she is a single mom too and battling as much as I am. No conditions.

* Friend 3 and 4 above are bringing some snacks along to Saige's birthday party on Saturday. In fact I have had a few offers. No conditions.

Now the reason I put "no conditions" behind all the above is because I have had an offer of help. From someone I never thought would put any conditions behind wanting to help me.

My brother.

Yes, he has arrived and it is wonderful having him home for a bit BUT....

A few weeks ago he asked me how I was doing financially. I said "shit" . lol. So he asked me to send him my budget - which I did because I thought maybe he could see some ways to cut down that I couldnt?

He then said he can "help" me with some cash to meet some of my arrear payments..WITH CONDITIONS.
I need to prove that what I am paying for Saige's schooling is the "cheapest" (its actually bang on average) and I need to prove my levy payments and I have to explain why there's a special levy for the complex, cancel my home phone (which I did anyway) and so on and so on.

My brother does not have kids, he has NO idea what is involved in looking after them.
I am not going to go through the rest of the list but the decision I have made is he can keep his money.

Please dont think I expect hand outs, believe me I dont. In fact quite the contrary. I'm just a bit upset that friends have helped me like they have with "no conditions" but he is.

I dont know whether I am just being sensitve about this, but considering the help I have had from people outside of my family with "no conditions" ....I was kind of expecting the same from family.


Anonymous said...

I find family can be harder on you than friends but its often because they care more. I’m like that with Ethan and Zoe and get so upset when they do something wrong yet laugh it off when I have someone elses child over, if that makes sense? I know it’s difficult to swallow your pride but if you need the help and it will take some of the burden away every month then maybe rethink your decision. I know I would but it would be hard.

Hang in there, things will get better!

paulwasmuth said...

Everything happens for a reason, this just makes you stronger and more independant. And I love you for it. X

A Daft Scots Lass said...

there is always strings with family.

Help always comes from the most unexpected sometimes!

Laura said...

Oh! Sorry Tanya but I remember this exact same conversation with my brother - it ended in the biggest fight we have ever had!

He actually told me that my contacts were a luxury and I must just wear glasses (med aid covers contacts) and so he dissected my budget and told me he can't understand why I cant afford to live on my own!

It was horrible :(

No advise - just keep on keeping on! It does pass!

Anonymous said...

The friends who have helped you are awesome!

And I agree re the help your brother has offered - you are an adult, a mother and you are doing an amazing job! Its really hard to have someone question that - and I guess if it were me I'd be resentful.