Tuesday, February 17, 2009

One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest..

I'm been toying with the idea of going to therapy.

I have issues, lol. I'm not quite right in the head. I've had a lot happen to me over the last few years that I havent fully dealt with.

The first couple of years of mine and my hubby's relationship was something I should have walked away from. I was abused..physically, emotionally and verbally. I have countless scars..not all physical and I am clinging on to all this baggage that effects how I interact with him now. I can't bear being close to him physically nor do I care much for interacting with him on any level really.

He has really been trying hard and he gets pushed away at every turn. I will probably lose him and land up regretting it and will only have myself to blame.

I had a best friend that dumped me and everything "seems" to be perfect in her life..lol she is going on like I never existed and I'm sitting like a puppy pining for its owner.

I found my blood brother on FB (I was adopted at birth) - made contact. He has now dissapeared. He's no longer on FB nor does he reply to my emails.

I fear my daughters are going to grow up with not many fond memories of me..but rather of me as this bad tempered screaming mad woman.

I am not in a happy place right now and normally I can hide it..but this time round I can't. I just want to be left alone..by my children..by my husband..by everyone.


Gilz said...

You should really consider seeing a therapist to deal with all these issues you have. Its the best thing I ever did. They make you see things from a different angel and it helps you understand why you react in certain ways to certain things.

You won't regret it.

email me if you wanna chat, T.

Jenty said...

(((HUGS))) I think it would be best to see a therapist

JaneW said...

*hugs* It does sound like therapy will help, esp if you want to heal your relationship with your hubby...

Corey~living and loving said...

My heart goes out to you. I am certain that seeking some counseling would be really helpful for you. You know...I often think folks think of counseling as a weakness, but I see it as a gift to yourself. You deserve to be happy. Your kids deserve a happy mother. You can be happy, but it might take some work.
I'm thinking of you, and appreciate so much your transparent post.


Laura said...

Therapy does have its place Tanya!

It helped me get over alot of stuff!

The voice of a 3rd party is often the voice of reason we are looking for!

((hugs)) I am here

Fiona's photo a day said...

Sorry Tanya :(
I didn't realise you were in such a bad place. ((Hugs))
We are all here for you!!!

Wenchy said...

Sjoe - I can relate.... I started therapy recently and am glad I did.... only problem is the financial cost, even with medical aid!

Mommy2JL said...

I have to agree with the other girls.
It's beneficial to everyone -- I have no doubts it would even help me, at the very least because I'd get some "alone" time and get to talk to an adult :)

This was a great post!
So open and honest..

-nic. @ singlemominthecity.ca

Tanja said...

I have to agree, maybe chatting to someone is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

I'm so sorry to hear this though :(

supermom said...

hugs hugs hugs hugs. HUGS