Friday, July 17, 2009

It was a week ago...

Can you believe its been a whole week since I made one of the biggest decisions I have made in years.

To say this week has been tumultuous is an undestatement. I have been wrestling with my decision constantly. And my decision has been wrestling back!

J has asked that we try again.

For 6 months.

I am torn right now.

Last week Friday my head and my heart were in total agreement. For once. For once they both agreed on what was the next step forward.
Now after yesterday they are once again at war.

Last week I was so clear on what had to be done and had totally made peace with my decision, so much so that anyone who meant anyone to me knew what my plans were..as those same people had been there to pick up the pieces on more then one occasion.

He says he NOW knows what he did all those times was wrong. My head says surely you should KNOW that punching your wife in the face isn't right? Regardless of the argument you had and regardless of what was said in that argument?
Surely it shouldnt take a protection order to make you see that?

I feel that if I DON'T give it a another try I'll be a quitter.

I feel that if I DO give it a try I'm a push over and it won't take long for me to be in this exact same position again.

As I said, heart and head are at war again.

I honestly don't know what to do.

8 comments:

Corey~living and loving said...

I'm really unsure of what to say, but I do know that you deserve to be safe, and I do not believe he can just change. a man that lays his hands on you like that won't find it easy to just stop. He would need to seek anger managment, and counseling.

I pray you find peace with your decision making process.

Laura said...

Tanya - you need to break the cycle! Thats all I am saying!

I love you and support you but you need to put yourself first!

((HUGS)) it is not easy!

angel said...

Oh how I wish I could say something intelligent that would help you make a choice...

Jenty said...

Oh man, I was so confused when you mentioned him this morning. Serves me right for not keeping up with my reader!!
I agree with Laura... you need to break the cycle (((HUGS))) I'm here if you need to talk

Lau and Quin said...

Now I know what was on you mind, I agree with Lara and Jenty. Break the cycle. I am down the road if you need me. Remember that.

JaneW said...

Only you can make this choice... it took mean years and years to make mine.

All I can say is nothing really changed and every time we tried again, again, again,....the same problems kept coming back.

It was HARD. But it DOES get better and I know *I* made the right decision.

You need to think and feel hard about yours.

All the best.

Wenchy said...

leave.

Karen Daly said...

Tanya.. deep down you really KNOW what is right... you have been through this trying again before?.... life is short.... YOU deserve to be treated like a queen, showered in love, cared for when ill or tired and respected for sharing your life all out with your girls... love you, K